just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
