I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
