I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
