Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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