The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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