after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
