From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
