Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
