Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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