I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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