You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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