He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
