woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
