Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
