the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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