Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
