don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
