I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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