Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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