yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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