I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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