it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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