i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
In other news, I just burned my penis
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
