im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
