I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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