i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
