And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
