North Korea, Best Korea!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
