You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
