so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
