So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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