I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
