i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
