i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
