At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
