i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
