Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
