I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
