He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
