I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
