So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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