i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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