I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
