Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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