Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
