She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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