I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
