The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
