You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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