its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
