WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
