my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
