I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
