There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
