I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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