i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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