I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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