i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
