she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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