phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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