went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
