i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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