I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
