This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
