i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
