So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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